Confessions of a wandering mind

These days, I am noticing that wherever I go, everyone seems to want to give me free advice. "You should stop doing that, saying this". "You should do this, say that, act like this, behave like that" etc. etc. etc. At least in the past one month, I found every single person I met, or talk to, had some advice to share. It made me stop and think. Wait, why am I getting this barrage of advice from everyone. After some inward looking and analysis of self, I realized it is because of the fact that I have been openly talking to people about how I have been going through depression and going for counseling for the past year or so and that I am slowly feeling better. There it started,  you don't know how to pick your friends, you don't know what to say to who, you don't know who to keep friendships, and you need to stop talking like this, start doing this, etc. etc. Then I asked myself, If I were to go back and redo it, would I do it any differently? Maybe not...

Sometimes, the need for perfection can get you obsessed about things in life. Especially if you are brought up in a certain way where you are punished if you came second in class, and you cannot be anything but perfect. Perfection may not be bad but when you are chasing perfection, you may overwork yourself, get stressed, and lose sleep over things. Especially when you are working in a team and the team does not deliver to perfection, you may find yourself sleepless, and with a desperate need to fix things. It is important to let go of that need for perfection sometimes, let go of the need to do everything right, need to fix everything. It is hard, but once you do it, over time, it will get easier.

I was reading this article about existential crisis https://people.howstuffworks.com/what-does-it-really-mean-to-have-existential-crisis.htm To quote from the same article,  An existential crisis is different than anxiety over a really difficult decision ("Do I want to major in economics or musical theatre?") or even a case of major depression in which nothing seems to interest or motivate you. A true existential crisis, explains  Clay Routledge , a psychological researcher and professor at North Dakota State University, is having your worldview — the thing that gives your life meaning and structure — completely shattered. "Most people generally believe their lives have a purpose and a meaning," says Routledge. "An existential crisis is when that belief collapses." I think for me, it has been the belief system that has been imbibed in me, about the constant need for approval. I think it starts from childhood, from the upbringing. But you reach a ...

August has been a popular month for me. It was the month I came to US 17 yrs ago, it is the month, I chose to move to Seattle and join MS and it is alo the month, I changed teams this year. So seems like somehow my birthday month manages to bring new changes in my life. As this month wraps up, I had a few lessons I learnt, some realizations, that I thought I would jot down. First, I take myself too seriously and feel important. Think that I should matter to at least one person and that I should be important to people, if no one else to my family and friends. And if I dont get that, I just crash completely. This I saw it firsthand on my birthday when my parents didn't wish me and my friends didn't remember to wish me either. Of course, Facebook has plenty of people wishing because of reminders, but I feel they are out of habit that people wish. If someone really cares for you, they would pick up the phone and wish.  Yes, it is sad, but it should not have caused a breakdown lik...