Need based Relationships
As I have become a loner over the years, I started analyzing people around me, their interactions with not just me but everyone else. The one thing I realized is that people do not even try to build any sort of relationship, whether it is just being an acquaintance or building friendships or actually making it a long term relationship. The first interaction itself is about judging if they are going to get some benefit out of talking to me or not.
I usually am not that social, but if someone tries to talk to me, I make an effort to get to know them, be friends with them, without expecting anything back from them. Maybe that's not true. I at least hope that they reciprocate by saying hello or checking in on me once in a while, if not do something special for me. But nothing more than that. This is something new for me. When I talked to my therapist, I was discussing my interaction with someone and how it kinds affects me when I get ignored though there is no agreement of any sort between us that I will be treated a certain way. The first question, she asked was, "why are you talk to this person? What are you expecting to get out of it?". My answer to that, "not really anything, but maybe I just expect that the other person also feels a connection and makes an effort, so we can become friends". As you can expect, the one thing on my mind these days is, not marriage, not relationship, nothing major but just genuine friendship. I don't even expect many friends, just one friend. But its been hard to find that friend. Going back to the topic here, I have a hard time understanding, how we as humans are always so busy that we do not have time for our family and friends and we are selective about the time we spend and who we spend with, but we spend hours watching tv, movies, social media. We start analyzing what do I get out of talking to this person? Am I wasting my time? Social media makes the far feel closer, but it is actually making the closer get farther and farther away. I probably do that too unconsciously, but since I am aware of this, I am mindful about this and think twice before saying no to anyone.
Not that I do not have friends, but I don't remember the last time, someone called me and checked in on me saying, "how are you doing?. People call me or message me, but asking for something from me, whether its a piece of information or some help or to attend some event. Even when we meet in person, I rarely get asked that question. This is why I treasure my gal friends from bachelors who make me feel like I matter when we meet once or twice a year or so. The older the friendship is, the best quality it is, as they become your family, not friends. Even if you get angry or upset, you can't stay that way for too long.
I usually am not that social, but if someone tries to talk to me, I make an effort to get to know them, be friends with them, without expecting anything back from them. Maybe that's not true. I at least hope that they reciprocate by saying hello or checking in on me once in a while, if not do something special for me. But nothing more than that. This is something new for me. When I talked to my therapist, I was discussing my interaction with someone and how it kinds affects me when I get ignored though there is no agreement of any sort between us that I will be treated a certain way. The first question, she asked was, "why are you talk to this person? What are you expecting to get out of it?". My answer to that, "not really anything, but maybe I just expect that the other person also feels a connection and makes an effort, so we can become friends". As you can expect, the one thing on my mind these days is, not marriage, not relationship, nothing major but just genuine friendship. I don't even expect many friends, just one friend. But its been hard to find that friend. Going back to the topic here, I have a hard time understanding, how we as humans are always so busy that we do not have time for our family and friends and we are selective about the time we spend and who we spend with, but we spend hours watching tv, movies, social media. We start analyzing what do I get out of talking to this person? Am I wasting my time? Social media makes the far feel closer, but it is actually making the closer get farther and farther away. I probably do that too unconsciously, but since I am aware of this, I am mindful about this and think twice before saying no to anyone.
Not that I do not have friends, but I don't remember the last time, someone called me and checked in on me saying, "how are you doing?. People call me or message me, but asking for something from me, whether its a piece of information or some help or to attend some event. Even when we meet in person, I rarely get asked that question. This is why I treasure my gal friends from bachelors who make me feel like I matter when we meet once or twice a year or so. The older the friendship is, the best quality it is, as they become your family, not friends. Even if you get angry or upset, you can't stay that way for too long.
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