Are forever friendships overrated?

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I am one of those emotional beings who still believes in friendships and travels hundreds of miles to go meet my friends. I am basically a sucker for friendships, go out of my way to please my friends, apologize too much, and feel too attached to friends. This picture poster is probably an apt one for me.


I never had too many friends and the limited number of friends I have, I treasure them. I really believed in the fact that my close friends truly will make time for me, and care for me. But lately I am realizing that my friends have moved on. Married friends have kids now and they are either busy with their kids or friends who are in a similar social strata that they can relate to, like friends with kids, friends who are local etc. Single friends have moved on to make other friends. But I feel like I am still in the past and clinging to them, fighting with them for their time, forcing myself into their life.  The recent experiences have proved it to me. 

I have made couple of trips to see one of my close friends in the last 3 months. But somehow I felt like an outside spectator who was there to just watch how she is close to her new friends and I didn't fit in anywhere. They kept boasting about how close they are and how they get along in every aspect and how they everything about each other. I know I maybe coming off as a jealous friend and maybe  I am too. The first time I went, I felt that way and thought I was just being jealous too. Second time I went, I could see it more clearly. My friend also made fun of me about how I am uptight and how I need to chill and also about how I am still a virgin etc. etc. with her friends who I was meeting for second time really. In the process of praising her new friends, she didn't realize what an awkward situation she was putting me in. You know the typical "Miss X is great, you should be like her. She never lets herself get depressed, you should learn from her" etc.  I kept getting that advice not just from her but also from her friends many many times. Even this time she tried to dress me in completely different attire than what I usually wear because she thinks she knows how I should dress up. And I still played along and I could see myself in the pictures and the fact that I have put on weight didn't help either. So I had to put my foot down and say, "please at least let me take one picture in something I am comfortable in" and it shows when you are comfortable. 

What hurt me most was that both her friends knew that she was dating this guy in India but she was very hesitant to open up and say it out until her friends started teasing her in front of me, and there was no way out. She and I have know each other for about 18 years and we have spent so many years together every day almost. I didn't expect that from her. 

It's been two weeks since I came back and I have been thinking about it and didn't know who to talk to also. Yesterday, I was telling her friend that I need to get my act together, so I cant travel right now. She responded with, that is a life long activity. I agree with that, but there are phases when you are happy with where you are and you are okay with that idea that it is a life-long process but there are also phases where you want something to change for the better really bad and want to work for it.. She should know that pretty well, as she puts in so much time and effort when she wants something. So why this double standard ? Because she is in her happy place?  

Bottom line, I feel like I am losing belief in the concept of BFFs and friends are forever etc. I am realizing that sometimes it is better to walk away and keep your respect than try hard to hang on to relationships that are long gone. 
I am realizing that it is time to move on silently, and remove myself from all the drama. I would rather be alone even if empty inside, than actually try so hard to keep relationships and come back drained and sad because of all the negativity I sensed. I know I am going through a negative phase and the words that are coming out of my mouth are all negative these days, but more than that, I feel these indirect, passive/aggressive comments hurt me even more. I couldn't sleep for a few days after that thinking about why did she treat me so distantly, make such comments about me when I was being a silent spectator. Then she left a message after she left saying "we didnt get too much time with each other, but glad to see you". I took a day off and made it a 3 day weekend to just go spend with her and she didn't find even few minutes in those 3 days to talk to me. What does it say about our friendship? 


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